When someone reads my work and complements it, it feels amazing. When someone reads it and criticizes, I look at the critic and weigh the value of their opinion. When someone offers advice or points out errors, I thank them.
Recently someone pointed out that I use taglines too much. No I don’t… Oh wait I totally did. Huh.
Here is an example from a rough draft.
Bill ran into Grant who was waiting outside the room.
“How’d it go Bill?” Grant asked annoyed.
“Well. He wanted a firsthand report on the events.” Bill answered.
“That makes sense.” Grant said angrily.
“He said to move them today Grant, all of them. Are the rooms ready?” Bill asked ignoring Grant.
Painful right? It was how I wrote the rough draft. Just to get it out. It wasn’t super important for me to make sure everything was perfect, that’s what editing is for. I even grabbed the adverbs, angrily and annoyed and stuck them in. Here it is now.
Grant stood outside the meeting room with his hands clasped behind his back. Bill was meeting with the boss Mr. Stork alone, without him once again. He cleared his throat as the door opened.
“How did it go?”
Surprised by the ambush, Bill stopped in his tracks. “It went well. He wanted a firsthand report on the events.”
“That makes sense, but without me?” He folded his arms across his chest.
“You weren’t there and didn’t see what happened. Anyway, Stork said to move all of them today.” Bill started walking down the hall, taking note of the hostility. “Are the rooms ready Grant?”
I knew better, yet I still included he said, she said, he asked, she answered a lot. Are they all gone? No, of course not, they have their place. Sometimes simple is better depending on the situation. Putting in action instead of telling emotion can make it flow and read better. Action tags are not the same as Taglines. For example. One should not laugh, giggle, snort, or sigh words. I do this a lot as well.
“No way.” He laughed.
I still want him to laugh so instead I would say.
He laughed. “No way.”
or
“No way.” He covered his mouth and laughed.
I remember reading and being taught to use end of sentence tag lines and action tags. I got some fantastic advice a while back. “Show it don’t tell it. Make the reader see what you see.” People read he said or she asked like a period at the end of the sentence. It chops the reading flow off at the knees.
My advice about taglines and action tags.
Recognize them and get rid of them if they are unnecessary. Don’t Jeopardize your sentences with laziness. It’s a great opportunity to take drab conversation and dress it up. Search your work for words such as; said, asked, answered and smiled. Don’t forget to look for those pesky adverbs that go so well with said.
-Sheryl
If you liked this, check out some of my older posts, if you haven’t already.
Spell check doesn’t catch them all.
Read, revise and repeat. The shampoo process of editing.
Copyright © 2016 All rights reserved
Nice post!
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Thank you.
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You’re welcome!
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Thank you. This is very helpful.
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Thanks. I’m glad you liked it. 🙂
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You’re welcome. The book I’m working on is loaded with tag lines. This gives me a better idea of what to do instead.
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They can be pesky for me I found I was resorting to them to tell emotion instead of showing it. When you take a good look and replace them with actions, it makes a huge difference. Good luck with your book.
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Thank you.
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You’re welcome!
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You could literally write a book about your suggestions alone, lol..They are awesome!
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What a nice thing to say, thank you.
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Oh. This is such a good response for the theme.
And do you know what’s even more amazing.. the way you responded to your friend’s advice.
Well done, friend.
Loved it.
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Thanks for reading I’m glad you enjoyed it. My blog is about my journey and things I’ve learned as a novice writer.
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You’re welcome.Always! 🙂 I’d love to read your other write-ups.
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I’ve only read two of your posts-so far, and have already learned so much. I didn’t know the “he said, she saids” were called tags, but I do remember being told not to use them. Your revision was a perfect “show, don’t tell.” Still, how do you avoid a tag when someone is laughing hysterically or gagging on words. Looking forward to reading more.
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Thanks, I’m glad you are enjoying my posts.
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Great advice!! Thank you for the help!! This is what I was needing to work on!!
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I’m glad you liked the advice. Thanks for reading. If you have questions I’m happy to answer them.
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Nice one… Sheryl I do like the way you play with words.. Am amazed
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Thanks I try to have fun with it.
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Wow, such helpful posts! You really are amazing. This will really help me out. Thank you Sheryl! ❤
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I’m so glad you like them. Thanks for taking the time to read my posts.
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Yes, very good post. I stopped using a lot of taglines, but then have to go back and make certain that the reader can understand who is talking. It can be pretty frustrating if you can’t. 🙂
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Thanks. I don’t take them all out, usually to start a conversation or if I cant think of a good action tag to put in the tag lines place. 🙂
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This post is spectacular you are very helpful Ann I love your serenity gently an gentile sense of self your not given to pushy or aggressive attitude your completely delightful tyvm
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Thanks so much, your flattering compliments always make my day.
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In honesty, I’m not given to flattery. I do however, give compliments accordingly. When something touches me, I have to say so. I wouldn’t say anything if it didn’t speak to me. Hope you have a great week.
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Great advice!!
Thanks for liking my post and bringing me here… such good writing 🙂
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Thanks for reading, I’m glad you liked it.
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Love this topic.
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Thanks.
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