Unidentified Fervent Outburst! – Throwback Thursday Style #TBT

Good morning, it’s Thursday, and that means I’m going to post a throwback from my earlier posts. Essentially a re-post of an old archived post with new notes and observations. 

tbt 3

Anything added(except grammar and spelling corrections) are marked in green within the original Post’s text. 

The next post I’m going to revisit is Unidentified Fervent Outburst . Originally posted on Sep 15, 2016 10:40 AM. The reason I’m revisiting is that I saw someone with a published book who used what seemed like a billion exclamation points and I found it hard to connect with the story because I was distracted.. 

Unidentified Fervent Outburst!

When I wrote my first draft, everyone that raised their voice or yelled had one of these beauties ending their sentence, ! The exclamation point. I am also a narrative question junkie. I must confess, I used punctuation incorrectly. (By incorrectly I mostly mean too much.) I probably still do from time to time, especially the overused exclamation point.

Why use an exclamation point? What does exclamation mean? Exclaim means to shout out, blurt or say with force. The exclamation point is used to emphasize an outburst of vocal emotion.

So why is it overused? Some older writings popularized it by replacing emotional reactions with ! instead of showing the emotional reaction.  Now with social media, it is used as often as a vowel. When we write an email, post, text or whatever when emotionally charged the exclamations multiply like Mogwai in water.

!!! The triple threat !!! These triplets drag along a few more if someone is screaming or whatever. I don’t do this ever. One is more than enough and even then, is it necessary? I already knew about the three punctuation in a row rule from work. !!! ??? is spam material and a horrible way to express feeling in writing. Emails containing them can be flagged by spam filters and firewalls. Also, this type of expression can be viewed as aggressive, rude or as screaming. Also never ever use them on a resume or technical report.

Mixology 101.  Mixing the punctuation. Nope, nope and nope. Never !?!  ?!?  Again, one punctuation is enough!

Inappropriate tone. “I didn’t know!” – What tone of voice is that?
Angry? Snotty? Confused? Desperate? Sad? Remorseful?
I find these all the time in my rough drafts.
Unidentified fervent outbursts.
What do I do about them? Dress them up and show the emotion behind the exclamation point. It’s not always about yelling.

Sasha slammed her fist on the desktop. “I didn’t know!”

“I didn’t know!” Sasha hid her face with her hands.

Sasha covered her mouth with her hand. “I didn’t know!” She couldn’t look away.

The tears fell unchecked as Sasha sat hard on the couch. “I didn’t know!”

No matter what she is yelling. Does she need to be yelling? 

Tears fell unchecked as Sasha sat hard on the couch. “I didn’t know.”

Removing the ! changed the tone completely. Now if she wasn’t supposed to yell It’s still not clear.

Tears fell unchecked as Sasha sat hard on the couch. “I didn’t know.” She said from behind her hand.

Okay, so that’s a bit better. What if I wanted to show anger without yelling?

Tears fell unchecked as Sasha sat hard on the couch with a scowl. “I didn’t know.” 

Moving on. I will use the “Find” feature to see how many incidences of punctuation I have. !  ?   then I’ll highlight them using the “find & replace” feature if I need to weed some out. as I do in “Well colour me silly.”

Rhetorically speaking.  Ending rhetorical questions with an exclamation point is tempting and common. Also unnecessary. Rhetorical questions can be ended in periods or question marks. It’s not a real question and I’m not yelling or blurting it and it’s usually obvious enough that the exclamation point is redundant.

My conversations were littered with them.

From my first draft of BiaAtlas before I edited it at all there were:

! x 120 
? x 1260 (Yes seriously. I have an addiction to questions in the narrative. Gross.)
As it is right now I have them down to:
! x 86
? x 1073
Clearly, I still need to visit those and make sure they are necessary.

So when do I use them or leave them? Only when it’s important. I use the search/find feature and take a good hard look. Here are some examples of okay use.

Excitement – “Wow that’s amazing!”
Urgent – “You have to go, now!”
Astonished – “I can’t believe you just said that!”
Vehemence – “I hate this!”
Shock – “You didn’t!”
Warning – “Look out!”

And so on. It’s not rocket science.  I personally don’t enjoy seeing them in abundance in my writing if they can be avoided I take them out. I was told once that the reader isn’t likely an idiot and if you write well they will know the person is yelling without !!! or saying ‘he yelled’.  It is my job to bring the reader in and settle them into the story and let them experience it. Tossing “!” in every time someone talks is annoying. Imagine if we actually spoke that way, we’d be yelling and blurting things constantly and over dramatizing a simple conversation.

For fun in the following two examples, I’m going to highlight in green the things I would highlight during my edits.

Joe slogged down the hall his feet thumping loudly on the floor, but he couldn’t feel them. “I hate this!”
“I can’t believe you drank that much!” Sasha giggled holding him up.
“I know right!” Joe said. “I never do. What will my mother think!”
“Oh no! You had better not go home tonight! Crash at my place I’ll send her a text.”
“I’m gonna puke!!!” Joe said doubling over and vomiting the beer and pizza on the floor.

I feel anxious just reading that and not because it’s tense, I’m not so sure it should be. NOt to mention how awkward that was. Let me try again.

With numb feet, Joe slogged down the hall. “I hate this!”
“I can’t believe you chugged five beers.” Sasha shook her head and giggled at his slurred speech. She held him steady, moving toward the exit quickly.
“I know right! What will my mother think?”
Sasha’s eyes widened at the prospect of dropping him at home. “Crash at my place, I’ll text her to let her know.”
Joe burped and gagged. “I’m gonna puke.”
“Oh no.” Sasha pulled him along faster, outside would be better.
The fresh air did little to help him as he gave his pizza and beer to the sidewalk.

Much better, less ! made for a better conversation. In my opinion. I also showed my affinity for ING and LY. Ugh. At least in my second attempt, I had fewer occurrences. I was okay with Joe’s punctuation because he was actually blurting and raising his voice.

My advice about exclaiming everything with exclamation marks.


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Popping Inflated Sentences

Popping inflated sentences

Popping Inflated Sentences

Sharing my editing and revising process(woes, struggles, and achievements) is one of my favorite types of posts to do. I like to share my woes, mistakes and the things I’ve learned. It’s no secret that I love writing. It’s also no secret that I’m a wordy writer. I embellish and add so much crap to a sentence that is unnecessary. I’m not going to throw a conniption fit about my mistakes, they are easy to fix, and that’s what the editing and revising process are for.

I’ve been rewriting BiaAtlas line by line shortening inflated sentences and taking out repetitive content. Today I’m going to share some actual sentences I found within the first 3 chapters and what I did to fix them. The fixes may not be perfect, but it’s a start.

Original: She was swallowing hard and trying hard not to throw up.

Corrected: She swallowed the urge to throw up.

Those ings get me every time. From 11 down to 7 words and it reads better. 

Original: The boy lies and pretends to be normal, but he is far from normal.

Corrected: The boy is far from the normal he pretends to be.

That sentence was too much normal. 14 down to 11.

Original: While they decided if she would be suitable or not.

Corrected: While they determined her suitability.

Not bad, took that sentence from 10 down to 5. Decide, decided, deciding are filter words. As you can see I highlighted decide and it found decided. I use the search/replace feature to highlight filter words, dependant words(Words I depend on too much) and things like LY and ING. The post Well color me silly explains how I do this(I do plan to revisit that post and add some new content soon). 

This next one is a smidge out of context. The gist is that this is an introspective sentence and the man is thinking about the danger of having loved ones used against him in hostage situations. 

Original: How many times has he seen loved ones used against him? Too many.  (13)

Corrected: Too many times have loved ones been used against him. (10)

I don’t like been or being. They are filter words often used in the introspective narrative. Been has to go.

Corrected: Too often have loved ones been used against him. (9)

Corrected: Loved ones have been used against him often. (8)

Corrected: Loved ones are a hostage liability. (6)

Potentially down from 13 to 6. That’s a win for word count and the new sentence fits far better in the paragraph than the many words of the original.

The point of this is to show how a sentence can be whittled down if the word count is too high. Also, it shows that sentences can be recrafted into something tighter, cleaner and easier on the eyes. 

I’m not going to sit here and say that I catch every crap-loaded sentence, but I do try. The re-write is difficult because it is line by line. It takes time, patience and quiet to think and concentrate.

My advice about whittling popping inflated sentences
Take your time to recognize an inflated sentence. Use the find and search feature to highlight common filter words, adverbs (LY), clichés, jargon, and garbage words you rely on or often repeat in a sentence. This will help make the problem sentences noticeable.




Expect The Unexpected… Or Not – Throwback Thursday Style #TBT

Good morning, it’s Thursday, and that means I’m going to post a throwback from my earlier posts. Essentially a re-post of an old archived post with new notes and observations. 

tbt 3

Anything added(except grammar and spelling corrections) are marked in green within the original Post’s text. 

The next post I’m going to revisit is Expect the unexpected… or not . Originally posted on Sep 10, 2016 5:27 PM. The reason I’m revisiting is it’s easy to let a character peter out, and lose them in the story.

Expect The Unexpected… Or not

Sometimes a character or a side story’s direction can peter out. They will lose direction, interest or momentum. I like to make a side story/character impactful in some way. I generally have an idea where it will go and how it fits in and affects the main story.

What happens when it’s not meeting the mark? It’s time to recharge the story or character.

What do I do? First, I don’t let myself get discouraged. Then I take a break to come back with a fresh perspective and take a good look at the problem. Usually, for me, the issue is lack of action. Second, I think what I want to accomplish and can I spice it up. This can take seconds to days or even weeks to come up with a new direction, a game changer. They can be main or subplot twists. They don’t have to be dramatic or huge, subtle works too. That can be tedious to wait for an idea from the deep recesses of my brain. I make two lists to spark inspiration. One is random things that can happen and one of the random things that make no sense to the story. They can look like this.


  • Serious injury (be careful with this one. Know the injury, the pain response and how they would move, act and feel. If you’ve never been seriously injured, talk to someone who has.)
  • Car accident
  • Wins money or item
  • Break-in
  • Theft
  • Finds a big clue or evidence
  • Betrayal (Make sure there is a reason for this.)
  • Dissolve a friendship (People grow apart, things can tear friends or lovers apart. Make sure it fits in the personalities and break a heart.)
  • Falls for the wrong person
  • New adversary
  • Loss of funding
  • Inadvertently kills someone (maybe self-defense)
  • Breaks the law
  • Saves a life
  • Loss of power
  • Shift in management
  • New team member or co-worker
  • Failed plan
  • Abduction
  • Fire
  • Natural Disaster
  • meet someone new (Sometimes the introduction of a new character can spice things up if their personality clashes or drives the story forward.)


Impossible (Kind of possible but not great ideas that are book specific)

  • A company suddenly shuts down
  • Death of the main character (NEVER do this.)
  • Death of support character (While popular, this can be risky for a debut author to do.)
  • Become outlaws
  • Bad guys become in charge (Unless this is temporary or important to plot, I won’t do this as it doesn’t work for my story.)
  • Asked/told/commanded to do something unethical (Great for conflict creation)
  • Plans or commits murder
  • Spills information or secrets to the wrong guys (This can work, but it has to be written well and fit into the story.)
  • Takes up arms against allies (There better be a damned good reason. Since I wrote this, I do have a character that does this, it was foreshadowed, not a surprise and it was important to the plot.)

I make these lists primarily to put ideas in my head. (The lists are not always the same and are story specific. They are ideas that fit or won’t fit with the particular project I’m currently working on. For example in my new book, my MC off-hand thinks of murder. She’s given a good reason. That is a kind of planning. In my original MS, I wouldn’t have my MC even think about it.) Often they will lead my mind down a path to something that makes me gasp, sit up and feel the excitement. Determining what’s possible and impossible will depend on the base morals of the story and the characters within. For this, I’m not worried about foreshadowing, unless it’s really big and needs a little setup. I like a surprise, the random things that the reader doesn’t see coming (I still like this.) However, I use this in moderation, if it’s a constant storm of ‘what the hell just happened!’ it can distract from the story and turn the reader off. Plot twists are great. Plot turns are fantastic, blowing it to kingdom come… probably not a great way to endear readers to you. I say this because I’ve read books where nothing was foreshadowed, big things happened all the time for no apparent reason and it was frustrating beyond reason to read. (I still agree with this, too much is… too much. I have also recently read a book where the big random things happened and they had nothing to do with the story. It was weird and hard to care about the story because of it.)

It’s kind of fun to look at where you want it to go, and make a list of the exact opposite and think about what would happen if…

My advice about recharging a lifeless character or plot.
There are unlimited options to stir the pot and rejuvenate a character or story, my actual lists are much longer and really random.  Make some lists and keep an open mind. It’s okay to play devil’s advocate if it saves the story from becoming a Yawn-farm.


Copyright © 2016 All rights reserved

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Spaces, The Final Frontier

Spaces, The Final Frontier  (2).png

Spaces, The Final Frontier

There seems to be some debate online and in the blogosphere about spacing after punctuation. I’ve talked about spacing before because I used to do it wrong and once in a while I catch myself double spacing. I have read articles arguing both single and double spacing after punctuation is correct. However, I found a vast majority that for manuscripts being submitted to literary agencies and publishers they want to see single spaces after punctuation. I have consulted with industry professionals and they all say single space only. Why is that? I’ve summed it up for you.

Back in the day when typewriters were the only form of typeset commonly used, all the letters took up the same amount of space, the typeset was visually ‘gappy.’ It didn’t matter if it was an i or a w or a , or . Thus to create a visual break a double space was used after all punctuation.

Today with the use of computers the industry standard for novels and general writing is a single space after punctuation. Now I know What people are going to say. But I was taught to double space.” Yes, and so was I. Because those teaching learned double space. We teach what we learned ourselves. There is an air of stubbornness about this subject that is fascinating and odd. It’s how I always did it, and I’m not stopping for anyone.” That’s fine, but if that level of stubbornness is displayed over something so minor (and easy to fix), the writer might be deemed inflexible and hard to work with and an agent or publisher might pass. While our books are our babies and we pour our heart and souls into them, I was given some golden advice from a trusted industry professional.

“If you are unwilling to change anything in your manuscript, edit or even revise to an agent or publishers request then traditional publishing may not be for you. Be flexible, willing to change, learn and grow. They know what they are doing and what will sell.”

I know it sounds harsh, but it’s true. How many times have I tolled over my manuscript? Changing things here and there, it can be an unending task. So why would I stop, submit to an agent or publisher and then say that it’s perfect and no I won’t change that paragraph, setting or the double spaces after punctuation? 

The benefits of single space:

The single space saves on space on the page. Seriously, in a book of 410 pages single spaced if I were to double space after just the periods it would add one full page, more if I were to do all punctuation. In this document there 5277 spaces removed when I went from double-spaced to single and ONLY after periods. Imagine how much more it would be if it were with all punctuation.

Honestly, when I found out I needed to reformat three completed 400+ page manuscripts to single space, I was floored and exasperated. Damn, that’s going to take forever! No, it isn’t. All I did was make a list of ending punctuation where a double space would follow. Such as:

Periods, commas, semicolons, colons, exclamation points, question marks, and quotation marks.

 “        ?         .     ;     :     )    &    @

(Use spaces before and after @ symbol except when it’s in an email.)

I then went to the find and replace feature(indicated by the red arrow below)


A box will pop up to “Find what:”  this is where I will type a period with two spaces after it then, enter a period in “Replace with:” with only one space after the period. I can then either “Find next and Replace” one by one or I can “Replace All.”

I merely repeated this for all punctuation.

These do not get spaces:

                                   Dashes         Wide-eyed. “I was going to-”  Ten-year-old
                                   Slashes         Either/or  This/that
Special Characters %  #  $         The #5 was actually $5.00.  10%  

The bottom line is if you want to double space go for it. It seriously only took me about a week to break myself of the double space habit. (I still do from time to time. Especially if I’m tired.) I have researched this subject on an off for a few years now (when it comes up), and I can say that the current majority says double space isn’t necessary or desired.

Now for a real kick in the pants, the newer generation is teaching themselves to write without spaces after punctuation at all. Why? Texting and laziness. I can just imagine all their English teachers cringing or pouring an extra glass of wine as they grind their eyes across their writing.

One article or blog will say one space others will be adamant it’s still two. I go by what the current professionals tell me, the ones working in the industry. Now if a teacher says to double space, then follow their instruction, but when an editor, publisher and professional writers all say single, I’ll follow their advice because I am sending my manuscript to them not my high school teacher from many moons ago.

My advice about spacing after punctuation

Single is industry standard. If you’re going to self-publish, then it’s up to you. If you’re looking at traditional publishing, conforming to that standard is necessary. P.S. that Search and Find feature is totally my favorite tool. Never use no-spaces after punctuation. Ever. Just don’t. It’s not natural to read without a space break between sentences. Single or double after punctuation is ultimately up to you, just be consistent.


Copyright © 2018 All rights reserved


Desperately Procrastinating – Throwback Thursday Style #TBT

Good morning, it’s Thursday, and that means I’m going to post a throwback from my earlier posts. Essentially a re-post of an old archived post with new notes and observations. 

tbt 3

Anything added(except grammar and spelling corrections) are marked in blue within the original Post’s text. 

The next post I’m going to revisit is Desperately Procrastinating . Originally posted on Sep 12, 2016 8:12 AM. The reason I’m revisiting is that it’s easy to procrastinate, heck I’m doing it right now. I have a book to re-write and I find myself doing a lot of other things, especially as I acclimatize to all the changes in my life right now.


Desperately Procrastinating

As I sit revising and proofing my book again, (Now I’m in the midst of a total book re-write which happens to be the same book I was proofing at the time I wrote this) I find myself constantly distracted. Granted there is a lot going on, it’s as if my mind is like rays of sun through a crystal, leaving little rainbows scattered about.

A slight desperation zings through me to work and get the word count down to a more reasonable number. (Too funny, I am still trying to bring the word count down. that reasonable number of 120k was still too high for industry standard.) As I read carefully, I remove wordiness and missed filter words, the thump of a bird hitting the window veers my attention off the road. As my concentration crashes, I catch a glimpse of my sprinkled light.

I get back on track. Wait, I need a drink. So I go to the kitchen to slake my thirst with some freshly brewed tea and stop to pet the cat. I see little rainbows of inspiration.

Every distraction leaps out and demands my attention. Is this a bad thing? Nope, not in the slightest. It’s the mundane everyday things that influence my creativity. Stepping on a piece of Lego hurts like nothing else, it reminds me to put pain and discomfort into my characters. Another aspect I try not to forget. (This is good advice. Random things can happen in life, why not in a book. Stub a toe or bang an elbow to releive scene tension or open dialogue in a funny way. Make sure to show the pain rather than tell it. for example. Moira crept into the unfamiliar kitchen and misjudged the distance to the counter. She held her elbow, pressed her lips together to stifle the noise. The lights flicked on. “You tiptoe like a tap dancer,” York said.)

Some days the distractions come easier and I willingly submit to the wonderfully regretful world of procrastination. Even as I peruse memes and click-bait online(Now it’s twitter I don’t click-bait anymore), the scattered shards of rainbow light glitter and motivate me. Suddenly it’s back, the drive and desire to focus and work. 

My body and mind need sleep to recuperate. I think that some days, my mind needs a mini vacation from concentrating and creating. Against my better judgement, my mind desperately procrastinates, fervently hoping my guilt stays in the shadows so it can have some free time. (I still do this.)

My advice about procrastination.
It’s not always a bad thing, in my opinion, it can be a sign to take a break or change venues for a moment. If I’m distracted or find myself procrastinating too easily I know it’s time to change it up and do something else for a while. Usually something fun.


Copyright © 2016 All rights reserved

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Rejection’s Are Okay


Rejections are okay, they are not the end, just a step along the way.

I want to talk about rejection. Specifically about the Query process and query rejections.  I have a finished manuscript also known as a novel or book. I have a cover letter called a query letter that outlines the story and me. I have a synopsis prepared, that is an outline of the entire novel in two pages. 

With all that ready to go, I research Literary Agencies and Literary Agents carefully. I’m searching for one that represents my Genre and subgenre’s, one that I feel would be a good match for my project and me. Then I follow their personal or agency submission guidelines and send them the materials they want to see. (Never send more than what they list)

Then I wait. I check my email like an addict and hit that refresh button as if I can’t function without doing so. Each time I hold my breath, scrunch my eyes and pray to see a Yes, please send more materials.

The dream is to get a yes and then have the agent fall in love with the manuscript and want to represent me.

This is the road to Traditional Publishing. It is a bumpy road full of rejection potholes. 

So what happens when you get a rejection from an agent?

First, the emotional let down is akin to being punched in the gut. They are after all rejecting my heart, soul, and hard work. Oh, and they are rejecting me. It sucks.

Here is a sample of a rejection email I received.

“Thanks so much for sending along the sample pages of Prophecy Ink I’m sorry to say, though, that I just wasn’t as completely drawn in by the material as much as I had hoped.  What with my reservations, I’d better bow out.  Thanks so much for contacting me, though!  I really appreciate it, and wish you the best of luck.”

As it turns out this one was what is called a FORM rejection. A copy-and-paste response. While we hope and pray for some feedback from rejection, the reality is that Agents are busier than we think and this form saves them time. They already spent time reading the queried material they listed to send. I figure the agents are hopeful when they open a query, “Maybe this will be the one,” and when it’s not, I bet they are crushed a little. Now they have to reject someone and their hard work. That has to suck to do. Even if it isn’t personalized the responses are polite and I appreciate that.

If I have an email to respond to, I will thank them again for their time and consideration. I have no idea if Agents want this or not. Despite crushing my hopes and dreams, they are human too, I figure a nice thank you is appropriate.

Side note: some writers get aggressive at this point. They can become belligerent, rude and insulting to agents that say no. Don’t do this. It doesn’t make you right, better or even a good human. That and agents tend to talk and know each other. Just be nice. Patience is required for Traditional Publishing.

Now I have rejection after rejection coming in. Most are form, and some have a little personal note. 

All rejections are hard to take, however, all rejections are a step forward. The advice or message in the rejection can sometimes be helpful. Take this for example:

“After reading your first page, I’m sorry this manuscript is not a good fit for me.” and “I read the first chapter and will pass on this project.”  

These both pointed to a potential problem. I paused queries and took a hard look. Did some digging and research and eventually found some other agents talking about story openings that will get an instant “No” or “Pass.” Huh. No scenes where the Main Character is dreaming, waking up, walking around doing mundane chores… the list went on. I’ll get into that another time. 

Well crap. My story hinged on the premise that Moira wakes up with a tattoo she doesn’t recall getting. Double crap. The chapter was in need of renewal, a renovation of sorts. So I rewrote the first chapter to have her already awake. Is that enough? Time will tell. If I need to rewrite a different angle, I will. Refusing to bend, adjust or change my work will not help me become published. Some would say it’s a “Pushover” or “foolish” thing to change to fit a standard. It’s not. The entire point is to get by a book published and if agents and publishers turn down something for a specific reason and I’ve used that “Something” you better believe I’m going to change it. It would be like walking into the office wearing a bikini. Sure it looks good, and it’s technically clothing, but if they say “You need to change the clothes to work here” You’re likely going to change into more appropriate clothing. Changing the opening isn’t compromising the entire story or me. 

Anyone pursuing traditional publishing will receive rejections. A lot of them. Sure there are the magic few that got signed right away. There are also lottery winners who’ve wone millions. Not many, but it can happen. I’m not holding my breath on luck. I will keep pushing, keep querying and keep trying until I find an agent who wants to work with my manuscript and me. 

My advice about Rejections. 

Rejections are Okay. Get them, get over them, and keep on going. Don’t let rejections deter you or get in the way. Learn from them if you can and know that eventually when you get a YES, all the rejections, hard work, and time will make that yes, sweeter.


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Wrong Article With Set Expression – Grammar #6

Adjective Instead Of An Adverb 1

If you missed a previous post on Grammar, simply click on the purple crossed-out title in the list below to see that post.

Within Grammar, here are the most common issues I had in my story:

1. Missing Article .
Redundant preposition .
Confused preposition .
Object instead of a subject pronoun .
 Adjective instead of an adverb .
6. Wrong article with set expression
7. Incorrect use of progressive tense
8. Incorrect noun form

The wrong article with a set expression, this means that a set expression requires a definite article. Articles are words like an, a, the, his, my, our, very and each, as discussed in “Missing Article”. Instead of it is missing, in this case, the wrong one is being used.


Here are some generic examples:

Incorrect: A trouble is that I forgot what to do.
Correct: The trouble is that I forgot what to do.

Incorrect: Be ready to go at the moment’s notice.
Correct: Be ready to go at a moment’s notice.

I found a few of these in my draft. Honestly, I saw them before the program pointed them out. Wrong articles make the sentence choppy or flow weirdly. Some like “Pass time” and “Pass the time” did slip by my proofread, so I included that one for that reason.

Incorrect: Get that done by end of the day and I’ll give you a bonus.

Correct: Get that done by the end of the day and I’ll give you a bonus.

Incorrect: We were limited to what we could do to pass time.

Correct: We were limited to what we could do to pass the time.

In my head, I wrote ‘making the list’ and read it again as fine but once it was pointed out that it’s not grammatically correct I saw the difference.

Incorrect: I sat there making the list.

Correct: I sat there making a list.

The same thing happened with the next one, once it was pointed out I saw the problem. It’s narration so it’s important that it reads properly.

Incorrect: I took the moment to let that sink in.

Correct: I took a moment to let that sink in.

NOne of these errors were in any dialogue where I would expect to find them. I did have a fair number of the wrong article with a set expression’s, most were typos and easily caught. Some did a good job of hiding from me.


My advice about the wrong article with a set expression:

It’s not the end of the world to make mistakes. I actually found one of these in a printed published book. Everyone makes mistakes, it’s our job to minimize the number of them by finding and fixing them. 


Copyright © 2018 All rights reserved

The First 50 Pages – Throwback Thursday Style #TBT

Good morning, it’s Thursday, and that means I’m going to post a throwback from my earlier posts. Essentially a re-post of an old archived post with new notes and observations. 

tbt 3

Anything added(except grammar and spelling corrections) are marked in blue within the original Post’s text. 

The next post I’m going to revisit is The First 50 Pages . Originally posted on Aug 13, 2016 12:34 PM. The reason I’m revisiting is that it’s easy to forget how important it is to have them ready and perfected when you query Literary agents or even independent publishers.

the first 50 pages

“Drop and give me fifty!”
“Yes sir!”
“The first 50 Pages of your manuscript that is.”

Guess what? They are the most important. Who knew? I didn’t.  I did, but not in the context that the pages will make or break the deal. That’s why my first sentence ever written, isn’t the first sentence you will read, it’s not even the second sentence.

When they say put your best foot forward, they mean it. To apply to literary agents I need to submit a Synopsis, Query letter and the first 50 pages(Or less as I’ve discovered) of the manuscript. There are of course books written about how to make your first 50 stand out or to rise above the slush-pile.

(I have since learned that the most important part of the pages is the first sentence, followed by the first paragraph and first page. The first chapter must grab the readers attention above all else. If the Agent can’t get past the first page or isn’t “Sucked in” then the rest doesn’t matter. If the book is exciting on page five, then start on page five. This was a hard lesson learned the hard way.)

As odd as this is, it’s nerve-wracking(It’s still nerve-wracking.) To know I’m so close to putting it out there to be judged and hopefully loved(Loved by my beta readers, but not Literary Agents.) The trick is not to freak out about it despite the mini drill sergeant that lives in my brain yelling for me to check it again, and again. I like it, so someone else is bound to. (It’s good to know when to just go for it. I thought I was ready. I was not. I am now learning about critique partners and responsive Beta-readers. I’ll get into these another time.)

I have revised the first 50 pages more than any other part of my book. Not only for the Literary Agents but also for the readers. If it’s not interesting, exciting or fun nobody is going to read further. For the past couple of weeks(Years ago), my mind has strayed to chapter 2 and 3. They were originally chapter 1 and 2 until I added a much needed more exciting chapter 1. My problem was this. They were written first, my first ever two chapters and quickly after that, my style changed. Sure they fit in fine but there was something about 2 and 3 that seemed slow. They were almost the same scenario from two perspectives.

Two days ago(It’s now been years), I had the brilliant idea to meld them together. Pull out the repetitive crap and make one solid chapter. It came out longer than I liked, but still within a reasonable length for a single chapter. Once I put the two together, it made more sense. I knew something was wrong and now I’m glad I paid attention to my gut nagging to change them.

I will read it over again today(years ago) and probably once more tomorrow. I have a few people reviewing it for me for constructive opinions. Then I will start the process of working with a consultant. (I did work with a consultant. I found I paid money for some good advice, but I now know I was pandered to a little. I did not get the critique I was looking for. after 100% rejection I set it aside for some other projects to come back and revisit when I had some more experience.)

(Since I wrote this I’ve re-written the first 50 pages of BiaAtlas twice. I am now on a full novel re-write. This is a good thing. I have more experience and I know a heck of a lot more than I did when I wrote this post.)

My advice about the first 50 pages.

Make sure they are clean, edited, well written and interesting. It is a fine line between writing to please someone else and writing to please yourself. I have set down a book because I can’t get past the first few chapters, so I don’t want to be that writer, and yet I know others that rave it’s the best book they’ve ever read. You can’t please everyone so make sure it pleases yourself. It’s your book after all. (I would add that the first 50 is the bare minimum to have professionally edited. I did and I’m glad I invested. Those are the frontline of your story they must be perfect. I’m sorry to say to those that believe they can edit and perfect it after they get an agent. You can’t there are so many other writers pitching queries that you are on in a million and within that million, you’re just one. BiaAtlas got 100% rejection because it wasn’t ready to be queried. I am re-writing it now hoping to alter it enough and correct the errors that I can pitch it again.)



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Adjective Instead Of An Adverb – Grammar #5

Adjective Instead Of An Adverb

If you missed a previous post on Grammar, simply click on the purple crossed-out title in the list below to see that post.

Within Grammar here are the most common issues I had in my story:

1. Missing Article .
Redundant preposition .
Confused preposition .
Object instead of a subject pronoun .
5. Adjective instead of an adverb
6. Wrong article with set expression
7. Incorrect use of progressive tense
8. Incorrect noun form


Adjective instead of an adverb. I had a lot of these little beasts pop up, some are punctuation errors others are me simply being me.

Adjectives only modify nouns and pronouns.
Adverbs modify verbs, adjectives, and other adverbs. An adverb is needed if you are describing when, where, or how.

I know what you’re going to say Adverbs? Really didn’t Steven King say “The road to hell is paved with adverbs?” Yes, they are not to be used all the time, but some sentences and instances require them. Sometimes the sentence flow or message needs an adverb. While it’s good to limit (Severely limit) the use of them.

I’m totally okay with some Adverbs in dialogue because people use them in dialogue every day.

Now let’s look at my mistakes from my draft of Prophecy Ink.


In my head, fresh worked, however, it’s in narrative so perfect grammar is necessary. The correction does sound much better.

We ordered simple cups of freshly brewed coffee.

The following are four more examples from my draft along with the suggested changes.


I’ll break them down and show how I would change them if not the exact suggestion and why.

IncorrectGood tell them if they see us to leave us alone.”

I didn’t want to change it to: “Well tell them if they see us to leave us alone.” That isn’t how this character would talk. I wanted her to say ‘good’ so in this case, it was a punctuation problem a simple comma fixed the problem.

Winner:  “Good, tell them if they see us to leave us alone.”

Here is the next example.

Incorrect “That explains why you woke frantic.”

Correct “That explains why you woke frantically.”

Now I don’t like the ‘correct’ version it doesn’t feel right, so I changed the sentence altogether.

Winner:  “That explains why you were frantic when you woke.”

Not great for reducing word count but this sounds and reads much better.

Incorrect I sat quiet the entire time.

Correct I sat quietly the entire time.

Now there is a grammar error for incorrect adverb placement so it will be changed to this:

Correct I sat the entire time quietly.

That second correction was perfect. It didn’t change the sentence meaning and is proper grammar.

Incorrect It was odd paired with cheese.

Correct It was oddly paired with cheese.

I don’t like either, to be honest. My original or the suggested correction. I think I may have taken this out entirely. But if I were to correct it, here it is.

Winner: It was an odd thing to pair with cheese.  

Revision can be tedious, but when I find a crap sentence and I can make it shine or simplify and correct it, I know it is making my story better.

My advice about Adjective instead of an adverb:

Sometimes one word needs to be changed, and it makes the sentence perfect. Sometimes it shows that the entire sentence is lackluster and could use a bit of polishing up. If I keep them it’s either in dialogue or absolutely necessary to the quality of the sentence. 


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Failure Is Giving Up

Failure Is Giving Up (1)

Failure Is Giving Up

I did something today (Technically yesterday) that I’ve never done before. I reached out to the Twitterverse for beta readers on a short story I wrote.

I can honestly say it was hard to stay equanimous . as I clicked on the tweet button. I had a lovely response from some fellow writers who offered to be honest. I have no idea what I’m in for. Maybe they’ll like it, love it or think it’s a steaming pile of dung. Who knows? I do know that I took a chance on something new.

I’ve just recently started dabbling in short stories. I find them difficult to execute. Cramming in a beginning, middle and end in under 3000 words. Yiikes. I’m a wordy person. Thankfully I’ve learned a lot about revising and honing down sentences to get value from what I write.

I’ll be submitting this story to a contest(even if my beta-buddies despise it) Then to keep myself real and honest, I’ll post said story once that contest closes. I’m not worried about losing, because I’m trying. Losing to me would be if I don’t try if I give up and never take chances. I can never truly fail if I never stop trying. Sure I have my ups and downs emotionally and mentally, this is a hard world to live in. Putting my hard work out there for the world to see is nerve-wracking and stressful. 

I don’t mind if the story is liked or not because I wrote it, It is something I accomplished and finished. I like the story and there is always room for improvement, I am not perfect. If I get constructive feedback I can fix or polish the story. I value and appreciate the time these readers are giving me and will take any advice or comments they offer.

Brain and Heart are hilarious and I want the stuffies. I saw this comic on a twitter post and wanted to share just how appropriate it is for anyone who is working hard and creating something they are proud of. Click on the comic to visit theawkwardyeti.com

My advice about failure:

heart and brain

Brain and Heart are hilarious and I want the stuffies. I saw this comic on a twitter post and wanted to share just how appropriate it is for anyone who is working hard and creating something they are proud of. Click on the comic to visit theawkwardyeti.com


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