Talking to myself

Every time I sit down to edit/revise/review BiaAtlas I smile. I smile because I know how far it’s come from that crazy filter word filled mess of a first draft. I know how much time and effort I’ve put into making it readable and enjoyable. It is a lot of hard work to polish it up and get it ready to present to the world. Right now, I’m still tackling the word count. However, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m almost there, almost at the goal number and I hope to surpass it. Once I hit that magic number or beyond I will start querying agents again with gusto.

It isn’t always practical or easy to have someone proof on the spot or at my convenience. While having an outsider’s opinion is the best option it’s not always the available one. There is one thing I do when revising that I do both naturally and because it is recommended. I read aloud.

This is very important. Why? Because my inside voice is full of my intended emotions and voice tones, inflections and it has an understanding of how I wanted it to sound in the first place. This can be disastrously misleading. I wrote the story, I had an idea and tone in my head when I wrote it. So, if I use my inner voice to narrate and act it out, it will use the same tone and I might not see/hear/understand if the narrative or conversation is falling flat, or if it’s hard to understand or if it’s completely out to lunch.

Sometimes I read it aloud and sometimes I whisper. Whispering can take out my imagined emotional aspect. This really does help. If I don’t feel that what I’m reading is quite right I might even read it in a monotone. Sure, I look crazy and it has me “talking” to myself more often outside of revision, but hey, it works.

I know I’m not perfect and I would hesitate to read anything written by someone who claims to be. So I’ll keep learning and keep working hard on my writing and revision.

My advice about reading aloud.
Do it. If you think you don’t need to then you need to more than anyone else. Go on, put on a solo performance, read aloud and then when you’re done you can give yourself a standing ovation too.  😉

-Sheryl

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 Ovation

Shhh… Don’t say a word.

There are times when conversation is too easy and unnecessary. I try to be careful to not to have everyone talking to themselves. That is if they are not prone to it by character flaw. The temptation to have someone muttering or whispering under their breath is hard to ignore. Not everybody does so refraining for some characters is a good idea.

Huddled beneath the desk within the small office, Joe could only listen to the violent chaos beyond the locked door. His laptop open before him the waiting cursor taunted him. Cow-ard, cow-ard it blinked.

He wiped the sweat beading at the back of his neck and scrunched his eyes tight.

BAM! Joe’s legs darted out as his back clenched. A whimper escaped his throat as the walls rattled from someone likely being thrown against it. The muffled sound of fist on flesh turned his stomach to acid. He reached a shaking hand to the keyboard, he had a job to do while everyone else fought for their lives.

As his fingers touched the smooth keys Joe relaxed. All his emotions were eclipsed by his compulsion to do his job. He focused on the screen, this is the only way he was of use, the only way he could be of use. The blinking cursor now urged, help-them, help-them.

Solo interactions are easier to write dialog free, (IMO) than are two people communicating sans dialogue.

Allen grabbed the wrench from the near empty toolbox. “I wish we had better weapons. This is handy though.” He glanced out the doorway then to Sasha.

Sasha finished tying up the man she just knocked out. “At least you have something.” More intruders were on their way approaching cautiously.

Allen waved his hand. “Get back Sash, they can’t see you.” Readjusting his grip, he shifted his feet for a better stance.
Sasha watched wide-eyed, lips pursed and fists clenched. The intruders had guns and they did not. The element of surprise was all they had.
“Three men, one gun on the man on my right.”
“Got it.” Sasha nodded.

I don’t hate that, but if they are under attack and trying to surprise the oncoming men, conversation even whispering can alert them.

Allen grabbed the wrench from the near empty toolbox. A useable weapon or projectile is always handy to have. He glanced out the doorway then to Sasha. She finished tying up the second man she just knocked out. More were on their way approaching cautiously.

Allen caught Sasha’s attention, gesturing for her to get back to the wall. He was the decoy, the obvious target, not her. Readjusting his grip, he shifted his feet for a better stance. Sasha watched wide-eyed, lips pursed and fists clenched. The intruders had guns and they did not. The element of surprise was all they had. He raised three fingers on his right hand and crooked one finger on his left hand toward his right. Sasha nodded; three men, one gun and the gun was on the far right.

There are scenarios when my characters go quiet. Whether its necessity or they don’t have anything to say, depends on what’s going on. For example a wordless conversation between two kids on opposite sides of the classroom. Or, an awkward car ride after a fight.

My advice about going conversation-less.
Take a peek at a long string of conversation, is it all necessary? Are the characters just stating the obvious? Or telling what you, as the writer, can show the reader in a more effective way? I found a long unnecessary conversation leads to a lot of; he said, she said taglines or surplus awkward action tags.

– Sheryl

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